June 1st I had a bad bout of sore throat. Went to the doctor's and was given medication to heal it. Then June 2nd, woke up and still had that bad throat and swallowing was hell. I decided to take the painkiller to ease the pain so that I could eat. Well, after taking the meds, I had a hot milo and took the rest of the meds thinking it was ok. Man! How wrong could one get! I ended up vomitting from morning till night and couldn't keep anything down. Due to my folly, I ended at the Emergency Outpatients Clinic of Assunta Hospital. I was given some jabs to bring down the fever and to ease the nausea. When I went home later that night, all I could manage to swallow was some Nestum which my darling husband was kind enough to make for me. He even took care of our little girl so I could rest. I thought that was the end of my woes but.......on Monday June 18th my sore throat and knee cap pain came back with a vengence!

So darling hubby took me to another doctor and well so far so good. At least the sore throat has eased off. The pain in the knee has subsided somewhat but the right arm still hurts from the last sprain I had. Talk about misery! Sigggggghhhhhhhh! Everything is going 'down south' so to speak! Eyesight dimming! Need specs to see clearly! 46 years old and body's denying me a fun rest of enjoying a simple task of just walking to the 'kedai runcit' or to the mamak for nasi lemak!

Ah well, maybe that's just me only! Have a good life everyone and a good weekend too!

Mish Mash of Happenings

April 1st.....April Fool's Day. What a huge joke! I found a lump in my left breast, size of a pigeon's egg. Tuesday 3rd April-start of nightmare of tests, mammograms, medication, endless visits to the surgeon. Finally April 26 D-Day......NO CANCER!

Mother's Day was good for me. Hubby, daughter and me celebrated in Cameron Highlands. We enjoyed exploring all the familiar grounds and haunts with our daughter. She was exclaiming and going all 'ooo....ahhhh......look Mommy!' and her laughter was infectious as well as cute. Weather was hot and sunny! Global warming has hit Cameron Highlands not to mention all that land clearing and tree felling!

Attending the matinee of My Fair Lady at the Plenary Hall in Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre was one of the highlights of the month! I thoroughly enjoyed the musical and the company of my good friend Baby Cakes. Thanks sweetie for Sasha's Bear. I really love the bear! Am looking forward to the stage production of The King and I if I get to go!

Dreading going back to Melaka. Somehow the thought of going back holds no joy. Too much of hypoocrisy and backstabbing going on in that darn family-out-law circle. I have always hated being drawn into the 'she said this and that bad stuff about you' scenario as well as the constant 'my hubby earns more than yours' or 'my hubby gives more money to Mom'. Somehow I feel like just telling them to shut up and get a life!

Have a good week!

Six years on......pain is still there......

Six years ago today, a beautiful child returned to the heavens, you see, she was on loan from the Good Lord to me. Her name was Patricia and she was my firstborn. She lived a total of 125 days after her birth and gave me the most wonderful lesson in life......which is, nothing is impossible if we believe in God.

Time they say, heals all wounds. I think it just dulls the pain and hits you in the face when you least expect it. I have not stopped thinking about Patricia. I miss her tremendously and can still remember the way she fitted into my arms or snuggling into her Papa's embrace.

Patricia died on March 1, 2001 which coincided with the 2nd day of Lent. She was given the last rites by Father Frederick Joseph from Sentul around 5.30pm on Ash Wednesday, the 1st day of Lent. The doctors had advised me that she was in a coma and that she would not survive the night but being the fighter that she was, she woke up from that coma long enough to say 'goodbye and enable all the family members to see her, some for the the 1st and last time. On the following night, she looked at her Papa and me and I could sense that she was suffering and waiting for us to let her go. Her Papa and me said goodbye to her and told her to go if she had to. Sure enough, she breathed her last after we said that and gave us her sweetest smile, then she was gone.

I can still feel that pain that pierced my heart, mind and soul. My heart dies a little each time this day comes round. I hurt again and the tears come flowing freely. I tell myself that she wouldn't want me to cry and I try to be strong but each year I fail. Yeah sure I have another child now but she is who she is, her own self. She is not Patricia. No one can understand the way I feel, not even my husband and family who think that I have accepted Patricia's death and that my other child has made me forget. I will never forget, how can I? Patricia was the miracle I asked or from the Good Lord and He answered my prayers!

My Patricia, I love you sweetie and Mummy misses you. I wonder whether you would look more like me or Papa. If you had lived, you'd be 7 and started Primary 1. I often wonder if you would be quiet like Papa or socially active like Mummy. Would MacDonald's be one of your favourites? Would you be a proper little lady or a tomboy? I can only imagine all these things. I know I will never have these moments of experiencing your first step, you cutting your first tooth, your growing up and becoming a young lady, wife and mother.

The Lord gives and He takes away, but somewhere when a door is slammed shut, the Good Lord will open a window. In that window, my darling Patricia I can see you and I look forward to the day when God will reunite us. Rest in peace my love. Arrivederci mi cara bella angela.

Belated Hello 2007 and phew! What a start!

Wow! 23 days into 2007! Looks like this year is going to be even more eventful and tough! My little sweetheart started preschool this year and she seems to love it. She has started to sit on her potty and the purchase of diapers have slowed somewhat.....thank God for little blessings! She has started to eat more of the 'normal' food I cook for lunch/dinner. She loves chicken stew, ABC soup (hahahahahaha! carrots, potatoes, onions, tomato, peppercorns crushed and chicken meat boiled in one go for those who don't know!), minced pork steamed with salted and chicken egg mix, french beans and if she spies anyone eating a bowl of assam laksa or char kueh teow or Cantonese fried kueh teow.....be prepared to have to let her hog the whole dish! She also loves fish! Steam, fried, sweet or sour, she will definitely devour!

Well another happy incident is the good news we received about Jennifer (my husband's niece) who had her open heart surgery (she's 4 this year) and so far she is responding well to the treatment. It was so nice to see some colour in her face but she's still the same spoiled, rude, pampered brat and bully! I know, I know, patience!

So that's it for now....got to be careful with what I blog these days.....TAI KOR watching! Have a good year everyone. Happy Valentine's Day and Kong Hei Fatt Choy!

Birthday wishes

Thursday, 26th October 2000, Deepavali was being celebrated by the Hindu community. I was admitted into Assunta Hospital Petaling Jaya with labour pains. 1.29pm my daughter Patricia was born. She weighed only 0.95 kg and was so tiny. Yes, my sweet girl was a preemie. She was due only on 26th December 2000 but she couldn't wait. Sad to say she lived for only 125 days. On the 2nd day of Lent 2001, she returned to the Lord.

Yesterday would have been her 6th birthday. I cried for her. These past few years have been hard and the memories are still fresh. She had character even for a baby. She loved classical music. I used to play classical music when she was still in my womb. When she died, I felt like my life had ended. Days and nights were bleak. I was constantly sad and turning to God was the best thing I could have done for myself.

Time heals they say. I don't believe it. There's still a big gaping hole in my heart and soul. Some say I should be happy with Angel's presence in my life. I am happy, still, I miss Patricia and there are times when I long to hold her and hear her calling Mama.

Happy birthday my sweet baby Patricia. I am sure you had a great birthday party in heaven with the Lord and your grampa and grams. Mama loves you always.

Dismal October

I knew that October was going to be a challenging month for me, only I never knew that it would be a most draining time both emotionally and physically. My sweet baby girl had to be hospitalised on 17th October due to bronchitis and the poor girl was vomitting all her food as she was trying to cough out the phlegm in her congested chest. My main concern then was for her to pull through this time in hospital. Brave girl never cried when the doctor hooked her to the IV drip. She was also brave in the X-Ray room.

Her fever was not going down in the first 2 days of hospital stay and I was with her from day 1. Being a diabetic didn't help matters either as I was tired out and dizzy due to lack of sleep.

But thank God! Baby recovered and was discharged yesterday. Only 10 days or so remains in before this month ends. Wonder if there will be any more surprises pleasant or not in store for me?????

Happy Deepavali to all Hindus celebrating and to all Muslims, Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri.

October

It seems just like yesterday when my friend, Chris (who is my voice of sanity as he keeps me grounded) came back from Rome. Now it is time for him to return to Rome to continue with his theological studies. I had assumed that I would have a lot of time to catch up with Chris seeing that he was back for 2 and a half months but unfortunately it was not to be. Ah well, at the very least I managed to spend one lovely Sunday afternoon at his home, one hot and sunny Saturday in Port Dickson where he was conducting a youth camp and at the Feast of Santa Cruz in Malim, Melaka. Seeing Chris in a church environment was like seeing him in his element. He remains the same person he was and his sense of humour is still alive and kicking! Well Chris, take care and look forward to seeing you next year!

October seems to be the month for some event or other. On the 1st day of October itself will see my friends and fellow Disciple course mates having our gathering to celebrate the birthdays of those born in October as well as a belated birthday for another whose birthday was in September.

5th October sees me at the National Registration Department in Putrajaya for the marriage registration of some good friends. They have asked my husband and me to be their witnesses and we readily agreed as the friendship we share transcends the normal bonds of friendship.We have known the groom since the early nineties and the bride since the late nineties. Then on 14th October, we will be having a dinner party for the bride's birthday at our home.

Come October 21st it would be a year since my father-in-law passed on. These past few months since his death both hubby and I just miss him. We did not celebrate Chinese New Year in Melaka as we didn't want to in respect of Dad and his passing seems to have left a huge void in the house he called home. These days I go back to the in-law's house, I tend to keep more to myself and keep an eye on my hyperactive 2 year old. I no longer enjoy going back there as the sibling rivalry has spilled over to some of the wives trying to out do each other in keeping up with the Jones'!

October 26th.....Patricia's 6th birthday. One of the few days in the year where I totally stop functioning and just about fall to pieces. It has not been getting any easier as each year passes. Some say that time heals all and that the pain lessens with each passing year. I can empathically say that it is not true. Depending on the circumstance and event, the memories would just come unbidden. Like when I see a six year old girl, I may just break down and cry, smile sadly and then there are times when the 'what-if' questions sets in.

October a month of contradicting emotions. Hope October turns out to be a good month for you. God bless you!

This and that.....

It has been a long time since I wrote in this blog. Much has happened since the last entry. I am tired and worn out both emotionally and physically. Too much of life's hard knocks and not so much of a good deal has totally left it's toll on me. Still, I am contented with my lot in life.

Why not? My days and nights are filled with a myriad of emotions from the moment my toddler awakes to the time she goes to sleep again. Then there is the time when we as a family huddle under one umbrella on a cold rainswept day, with both Mommy and Daddy getting soaked to the bone and the tyke's all warm and dry, giggling at her folks. Yeah, a couple of drowned rats looked better than us.

I managed to meet up with some very good friends and we had a terrific lunch at one of the seafood joints near Telok Kemang in Port Dickson. I was fortunate enough to see for myself a youth camp being conducted totally in Bahasa Malaysia for the youth of a church from Melaka. It was a real eye opener and I was piqued by the readings of the Gospel done in Malay! Now I cannot wait to get my hands on the Al-Kitab and read for myself the old and new testaments in Malay.

Somedays, I just feel so lazy and tend to skim through my mails. Emails may be fast but nothing beats receiving a hand written letter or card! The feeling of joy one gets when one receives a card or letter from a family member or friend is like walking on a cloud. Now with IMs, MSN messenger, 3G technology, it's a wonder that letters even get sent! A friend's sister broke off her engagement via SMS while another sent an email to his wife asking for a divorce! Humourless and cowardly is the term I used on them!

Ah well....life's like that and this my friends, is REALITY. Forget the lovey dovey scenes that one is likely to get when reading a Mills and Boons or Barbara Cartland book. Chic-lits are the rage. Sadly, I have yet to read a chic-lit book. Give me a good thriller anytime!

Have a good weekend and God bless!

A reflection

This morning, I woke up early. I was able to study my beautiful daughter as she slumbered peacefully with her lips opened slightly and a small sweet smile on her face. I remember my parents had once said that when the wee ones slumber with smiles/laughter/giggles, they were with the angels playing in God's playground. I wonder if that was the case with my sweet girl. Was her older sister Pitty Pat there as well? Was Sawyer her god brother there too? I am 100% sure they were, together with my mom and dad.

Some 'friends' have accused me of wallowing in my grief from losing Pitty Pat and comparing my sweet Angel girl with Pat. I emphatically disagree, Angel has her own characteristics and Pat, her own. They are 2 different persons and both are equally loved by me. There is no special love for either one. Both have given me a special reason to live and love them in their own way.

At times my sweet Angel can be a handful but that's part and parcel of her uniqueness. She loves to hold hands and kiss me and her dad. She loves to dance and when she watches her fav cartoons, God forbid you change her channel! She sleeps with her Elmo doll that I gave her for her birthday this year. Each time I smack her for being naughty, she will hug her Elmo tight and pat her Elmo's back (in a comforting way) and cry her little heart out! 5 minutes later she's back to mischief again! She's learning to talk now and she says words like book, ball, baby, bar-bar(dat's Barney the Dino) very clearly. Of course words like mama, papa, mum-mum, nan-nan (dat's milk for the uninitiated) and wor (water) are everyday words now.

She will demand a nappy change very loudly when she's done her poo-poo and woe unto the one who takes her Elmo from her when she's sleepy! She loves vanilla milk shakes, french fries, pasta, mashed potatoes, cereals, cotton candy, chocs, etc. She also eats just about anything I feed her and her appetite is healthy. She is now bugging me to get her a Mickey Mouse cuddly! She already has the Minnie Mouse cuddly, Winnie the Pooh, Cookie Monster, teddy bears by the dozens, 2 Barbie dolls and 3 boxes full of other dolls and toys. Knowing me, I will end up getting her the Mickey Mouse cuddly! These days her father and I steer clear of the toys sections of the deparment stores as well as Toys "R Us stores. Best not to go through another whiny, crying tantrum!

Have a good weekend and God bless!

In-laws, boon or bane?

What a week this has been! Started with a complicated family matter where I am caught once again at a crossroad where no matter what decision I make, I'd still be hurt! To make matters worse, this complicated matter concerns my in-laws. My husband has 10 other siblings, 9 brothers and 1 sister. Sad to say in that family, it is not love for each other that matters, it is more like who is more successful. Even the matriarch plays favourites! Needless to say when her first born married me, she was not too thrilled (neither was I as it was intense dislike at 1st sight of her!) as I am not 100% Chinese, a Catholic and partially handicapped. The fact that I was 250 pounds at that time did not bear too well with her!

17 years I have endured and kept my silence. All the snubs, insults and back stabbing I took without a whimper as I did not want my hubby to have to take sides. Needless to say the stress took its toll on me and I ended up bitter and reserved where they were concerned. I never told my own siblings what I was going through but they guessed. They have stood by me and told me that I only need to say the word and they'd descend on that family like the plague!

I have in all these 17 years tried to be the dutiful daughter cum sister-in-law to this dysfunctional family where the main motivational factor is money...how much you earn and how much you give the matriarch! Even when I had my first baby and lost her a few months later, there was more persecution and I was like a pariah to them.

It didn't matter that my hubby and I were grieving. Only his father understood our pain and only he took the time to comfort a grieving set of parents. The rest treated us like AIDs patients, shunning us and practically ignoring us. The beauty of it all is when they found out that I had started my own business, it was suddenly the 'in' thing to call and visit, include me in their outings and welcoming my adopted girl with open arms!

Now one of the brothers lost almost everything he had 2 years back and is almost broke. He started a food stall and asked another brother who is a cook to be his partner. Both agreed to do the business and share 50-50. This brother (the cook) has a reputation of running out on people if there is a better opportunity elsewhere. Hubby and I were concerned that he'd pull the same tactic and our fears were confirmed. He's up and left the brother and business in dire straits. Once again, I am asked to 'loan' money (loan means give; but if they loan you, you have to pay back!) as hubby and I are the eldest. The amount they asked for is not small. The saving grace is hubby managed to get his mom to fork out 70% of the amount! She's not happy to say the least!

The stress got to me and on Thursday, I finally broke down and cried, bitter tears at the way I am expected to help when they have problems. When I am down and out, they turn a blind eye! Hubby came home and found me crying. He now is less sympathetic towards his family and vows he will not help out anymore. I hate going back to his family home and now I have to at the end of next week. I pray that I can control myself and not blow up and yell at his mom. God help me!

BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR A 2 YEAR OLD MINX

Saturday 24th June 2006 dawned cloudy with a hint of rain. Preparations for the birthday party was well underway and all involved (namely the mom and 2 friends) were busy with the cooking and scrambling to get the little tyke to have her naps so that she would be bright eyed for the night's festivities. By the time everything was ready, we still had time left to have our showers and change the birthday girl into her birthday fineries.

By the time her daddy got home from work and picking up the cake, the birthday girl was almost ready to scream as she was missing her daddy and being cooped up on the high chair is just no fun for an active 2 year old! The birthday girl was so excited by all the festivities that she couldn't stop running around and giving hugs and kisses to her daddy and me.

The cake cutting ceremony was quite an adventure. Angel was so taken with the cake that she couldn't wait for me to hold her hand and cut the cake. She almost destroyed the cake! Blowing out her candles was a chore as she was too fascinated with the candlelights.

We opened the presents after the cake was cut, served and eaten. Her reaction to the toy Barbie roadster with the Barbie doll inside was priceless! She could not stop squealing out her delight and was demanding that her daddy open up the present so that she could play with it! The Elmo cuddly that I gave her earlier was forgotten as well as the other gifts! She held on tight to that roadster and promptly climbed onto my lap and hugged the toy tightly, fearful that her cousins would take the toy away from her.

After most of the guests had left, her daddy turned on the telly as the football games were on. Her daddy, my brother and his family and my godchildren were all engrossed in the game. My little baby was so tired out and very whiney as she wanted her milk and mommy to hold her. She put the toy car in her toy box and started looking for Elmo. Holding her Elmo, she came to me and cuddled up to me. Her milk was downed in record time and she was fast asleep by the time she spat out the pacifier! Poor darling was so tired that she slept through all the yelling of the football freaks!

I thank God for this lovely girl and I am looking forward to watching her grow and I am sure I will love her even more!

The crazy neighbour strikes again!

Here we go again! That neighbour of mine is up to her old tricks again! She's had her baby and my hubby and I decided to give her some baby things which we no longer needed as my girl had outgrown them. We gave her the stroller, bath tub, clothes and a lot of other things for her baby girl and visited her after the baby's full moon just to see how she was doing.

That woman took that as a license to start her nonsense again! She called me up on Tuesday night and asked if I could 'lend' her my credit card as she needed to reconnect her Astro! The audacity of that woman! I told her no and now she's mad at me! People like her thinks that the whole darn world owes her!

Now my hubby says that I should have stayed away from that "one screw loose" character as he calls her or she'll find any or some kind of excuse to bug me into lending her money! Hubby says that I have this tendency to pick up 'strays of the 2 legged kind' and end up being hurt.

So I ask myself again.....am I a friend to her or a ATM????? As a Catholic, I am told to be kind to my fellow humans, to give charity where it is needed but does reconnecting someone's Astro come under that catergory? I can't even afford to go to that spa I've been dying to go to, so is there anyone out there willing to sponsor my spa treatment for a tired body, mind and soul??? I doubt it!

Neighbours......!!!! Who needs them!????

YESTERDAY ONCE MORE?

As usual, when this friend of mine and I get together, we always talk about life's quirky ways of making things happen. The discussion started out with him asking me if I was contented with my lot in life (we have been friends for more than 20 years!). He stated that he had seen me go through so much of hardship and pain, laughter and happiness and still have that 'get up and go' attitude.

His question set many questions chasing through my mind about what I had achieved from life's hard knocks as well happiness. Sure I had to go through hell from many unfortunate moments and incidents where I was hurt, battered and bruised, but even in the darkest moments of my life (my daughter Patricia's death), I knew that somehow in every dark cloud, a silver lining exists, as long as I had faith in God.

Even my marriage to a man who is the total opposite of me (he's a homebody and I am a party animal, predictions from people who judged me based on the outside without knowing the real me that this marriage would last 1 year tops), has withstood all the ups and downs and we are now going into the 17th year of our blessed union. The loss of Patricia has made both my husband and me taking a good look at our lives and opening our hearts to other options of being parents. The adoption of my darling Angeline has brought so much of happiness and joy that our relationship has gone even sweeter!

So to this friend I answered that I have achieved most of all I need and want from life, a happy family and a beautiful daughter. Now if only I could have that driving license and that Ford Escape I so want to drive, life would be 100% PERFECT!!!!

AN INTELLIGENT CHILD MAYBE OR PURE GENIUS?

During the Wesak Day weekend, we decided to spend it at home and not go anywhere. As usual, come Saturdays, hubby will vegetate in front of the idiot box watching football on Astro while baby and I will be trying to find things to do to amuse ourselves. I was upstairs in our room praying when hubby brought baby upstairs on the pretext that she wanted her feed and he sneaked back downstairs, leaving baby sucking on her bottle. It is not a big deal actually having baby with me, just that I had wanted some quiet time to myself to pray and finish reading the Da Vinci Code my cousin lent me.

Anyway, baby finished her milk and started to explore the room, up to her mischief! I was praying and happened to look up and saw a photo of my daughter Patricia's photo taken 5 days before she died. I was overwhelmed with sadness and tears started to flow again. Angeline saw the tears and she came over to me and called, "Mama, Mama", all the while hugging me and patting me on my back like as if she was telling me that she was there with me and everything would be alright.

This is not the first time my 22 month old girl has done that. She is very sensitive to my feelings and also very smart! Each time she knows that she has done something wrong, she will immediately try to butter me up so that I will not reprimand or cane her. If her daddy is home and she knows that her dad is mad at her for her mischief, she will give him a teary face and hand the cane over to him.....never fails! Her dad will not cane her!

She knows how to 'talk' on the phone/cellphone and hold the phone/cellphone like an adult! Each morning when she wakes, after her milk feed, she will ask me to call her dad on the phone so that she can 'talk' to him. When she sees us packing clothes into our travelling bags, she will run to 'help' by giving us the toys she wants! She puts her own soiled clothes into the laundry bucket that I use for her clothes, her used bottles on the kitchen counter and throw her soiled diapers into the waste bin, bring me her wet wipes and fresh diapers when I change her and all these she did on her own with no prompting from me since she was 18 months old!

I praise God for my Angeline who gives me so much joy and pleasure at the same time she can be a handful too! I wish that all who cannot have children but are longing to, would consider adopting!

God bless and have a good weekend!

MY 2 CENTS WORTH ON LIFE

It's late into the night, 0236 hours and I can't sleep. Somehow my mind seems to be working overtime these days with the onslaught that's being fired at the Catholic church in the forms of the Judas Gospels and that irritating Da Vinci Code book. For goodness sakes! That book debuted on the market as a work of pure FICTION and still there are people out there who are now questioning their very faith based on Dan Brown's book and his so called 'facts page'! These people are just sensationalizing this ill infomed author's work and making him into a millionaire! I thought his book boring and very, very irresponsible in the way he disses the very foundation of Christian beliefs. Mr. Brown just doesn't give a damn about the consequenses or the can of worms he opens with his irresponsible writing. If he was a Moslem and wrote in the same lines about Islam, a fatwa would be called and he would have had to go into hiding like Salman Rushdie!

Each and every person whether Moslem, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, etc, has a responsibility to his or her own self to see clearly where the truth is. A book written and published under the genre of FICTION should not rattle and shake one's religious foundations. In America maybe it is ok for them to disrespect the rights and beliefs of anyone but here in Malaysia, we have enjoyed free practice of our faiths the way we choose to and to live our lives in a decent and harmonius way. Sure there are some racial tensions to contend with, which country doesn't encounter this? At least here, there are no riots or rallies for equal footing like the American Africans are seeking in US.

I am not a zealous or religious fanatic. All I want from life is the freedom to practice my Catholic faith, live in a peaceful place, no war zones, be able to enjoy listening to my music, read my books and watch my daughter grow into whatever the Good Lord has planned for her. I am a simple person with simple needs and wants. My happiness is my husband and daughter and being a good person as my Lord Jesus would want me to be.

So please, do not let Dan Brown sway you in your religious beliefs. He writes FICTION.

CAN ONE BE LONELY EVEN IN THE COMPANY OF OTHERS?

Hello everyone. This is going to be one of those kind of blogs! Been thinking about loneliness and how some of us feel isolated, lonely, neglected and even isolated in the company of others. Why did this subject crop up? It all began quite innocently actually.

Last week, a friend called to wish me Happy Birthday (yup! 45 this year and still crazy!) and he sounded a little down. Now, this guy has a successful career, all the material things most human beings work towards to and a beautiful girlfirend. He has stayed single (he's also 45 this year) and thinks that marriage is a trap. When I asked him why he was so depressed, he told me that he found life meaningless these days. Nearly every night he would go out with his friends and at times his girlfriend too and then trudge home to sleep and go through it all over again. Even when he was with his cronies, family or in the midst of a huge crowd, he felt all alone. There were times he felt superficial and a humbug!

I jokingly told him that maybe he needed a break from everything and everyone and go in search of his true self! Didn't know he'd take me literally and scoot over to Rome! He emailed me from there and said that he still felt lonely in the midst of his family there and that he was going to Naples for a bit. Lucky him! He's in Rome and still feels lonely! I wish I could get lonely in Rome too.....an expresso would cheer me up!

At times, I too get this feeling of utter loneliness even when hubby and baby are around me. The feeling gnaws at me until I get so stressed out and just get mad with anyone and everything around me. These days, this feeling is even more frequent and no matter what I do, I just don't know how to get over it.

So anyone else out there with the blues like my friend and me?

FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD!

Driving back from our holiday in Pangkor Island last Saturday, hubby decided to use the coastal road and exit from Bidor to the NSE. We stopped at Bidor for a break as we were hungry and our little one needed a diaper change. We parked just off the main road and stumbled upon a coffeeshop that served duck thigh noodles (ngap thui meen)! Needless to say we ordered that and tucked in! After our late lunch, we chanced upon a street vendor selling all kinds of Chinese kuok koih (kuih2 lah) and economy fried mee. It has been many years since I tasted these kuok koih and I was simply delighted to find them. So I bought some for dinner/supper that night. I thoroughly enjoyed these morsels and hubby and I decided that we would drive back to Bidor one of these weekends just to find the uncle who sells these morsels and indulge even more!

On Monday, hubby's brother opened his restaurant specializing in Melaka style Assam Pedas Fish in claypot and other specialities like German Pork Knuckle and Thai Style Deep Fried prawns. For a foodie like me, crazy over assam pedas fish especially the one sold at the Pasar Borong in Melaka, it was like finding a gold mine! So off we went so that I could indulge in one of my favourite foods and hubby could do his brotherly duty and show support! The name of the restaurant is Jing Xiang Ju Restaurant (Non airconditioned ok? Space open and big enough to be breezy!) located at Lot 7987, Jalan Besar, Kg Bukit Cherakah, Shah Alam. It is actually on the way to Bukit Jelutong if you come from Subang Airport way.

We had the assam pedas ikan pari, 'yau mak' in garlic, fried foo pei with a special dipping sauce, rice and herbal tea. The whole bill came up to RM28.00 and in case you guys and gals out there think that we got special price cause we are family, think again! Hubby and I insisted on paying the prices quoted on the menu. Aiya! Blood is thicker than water and that's why we insisted on no special discounts as they too are trying to earn a living! So give it a try! If you need directions call them at 019-2707113 or 012-6235833.

No, I am not promoting them just cause they are family! There is also another eatery that I love to go to when I am hankering for good Cantonese fried kueh teow or fish head curry, lucky for me this place is in Bukit Beruntung Rawang and the name is Triple Round. For sumptious goreng pisang, it is the stall just opposite the Bukit Sentosa Medan Selera in Bukit Beruntung! Many friends who have eaten the goreng pisang always insist on us having them ready when they come over! Then there is the cendol/rojak guy parked in front of the Gold Hill Coffee Shop in Bukit Beruntung. His cendol is heavenly and his rojak mee divine! So have a good time with these shops and eateries. Darn! I am hungry! Take care and have fun!

HOLY WEEK AND A HOLIDAY TOO!

This year's Holy Week was a real damp week to say the least! The rains were torrential and it was like a deluge that wouldn't stop! On Holy Thursday, I decided to attend the 7.oopm service as hubby was working. When we left the house, it was shining brightly with no hint of rain. By the time we reached Petaling Jaya, the sky had turned dark and since it was still early, hubby suggested we go for roti canai as he was hungry. It was still dry when we left the mamak restaurant and headed to the bank as hubby wanted to withdraw some money for our trip to Pangkor Island the next day. That was when the rains came! The rains caused such a chaotic jam that a trip that took only 10 minutes from the bank to the church took half an hour! I was so worried that I would be late that I kept praying that I'd reach there before service began! Thank God I managed to reach church on time and was able to get a seat!

Good Friday morning, we woke up to a bright and sunny day. Hubby was happy that it was not dark and cloudy. After breakfast, we went to church for the 11.30am service. Even at 10.40am, the cars were already double parked and the church was filling in with people! We had to park at the nursing school and walk to church with my toddler. The sky was turning cloudy and I had thought of taking an umbrella but forgot as my toddler was fussing and we wanted to get to church quick! Needless to say, the rains came and poured! Even after the service, it was still raining! We had no choice but to leave in the rain and go on our way to Pangkor Island. It rained all the way to Lumut and it was drizzling from the Lumut Jetty to Pangkor Island Jetty. My little baby was fascinated with the rains splashing on the windows of the ferry!

In all my years of observing the Holy Week services, I have never missed a service on Good Friday! This year due to some need for time out and regaining the true meaning of our marriage vows, hubby suggested this trip so that we could work out some misunderstanding and get back to the lovey dovey stage we have always shared in all our 17 years together. Thank goodness there were services as early as 11.30am at Assumption. I can only think that God must have been looking out for me so that I wouldn't miss Good Friday services and still go on that trip to strengthen family bonds and my marriage.

Easter Sunday, we attended mass at St Jude's in Rawang. I was experiencing a very bad back ache and had to sit through most of the service. The mass was beautiful as it was held in 3 languages and it was the 1st time I had heard the rosary recited in Tamil! Even my little girl was enjoying herself running all over the church grounds!

It sure was a weird way that things worked out! But I am glad that the Good Lord sent the rains and made things all right in the end. God gave me a good husband and a beautiful child to love and they in turn love me as much as I love them! The most important thing in a marriage I guess is being able to love and let love, accept all the downs with the ups, unconditional give and take and having children! The true treasure of a marriage is a FAMILY!

God bless and Happy Easter!

Marriages...are they made in heaven?

These days, you'd find most people sending emails, surfing the net, engaging in chats hosted on Yahoo, Lycos or Excite. Some people hardly ever venture out anymore as you can 'talk face to face' via the net too! All you need is a microphone and webcam! Some friends of mine have met their spouses over the net and mostly all have married to men and women from other nations.

Some of them have given up their jobs and nationality to join their said spouses in UK, USA, Europe and South East Asia. I have asked them if they were certain that was the best course of action as some decided to marry just for the sake of leaving Malaysia. Happily enough, most of the marriages are happy ones with children being born.

Then there are some who have gone there, married and now feel that it was the worst thing they have ever done. Some claim 'culture shock' or that the spouses were misleading them into believing that they were the answer to their problems. One friend is now holding down two jobs just to earn enough money to send home and to pay for the bills.

I must admit that when I married my Chinaman, I was not really sure if it was because I loved him or that he loved me. Nope, nothing as romantic as that! It was like because I was worried that I'd end up an old maid and all alone in my old age! But over the years (16 years and counting!), I find myself more contented and in love with my Chinaman and having children has even brought me more joy. So I can only deduce that it was because we loved each other deeply.

I believe that we are given a soulmate and sometimes not all meet that soulmate, so we have to make the best of the situation and make that marriage work. My Chinaman and I are poles apart! He loves Neil Diamond, John Denver, sleeping and lazing around the house. I love classical music, operas, going out and jumping all over the place! When we got married, some of our ex-colleagues had taken a bet amongst themselves that our marriage wouldn't last a year. They said he is a homebody and I, a party animal, so never should the twain meet! Now my Chinaman and I are having the last laugh as some of these people have divorced, separated or are still looking for the right one.

I have found my 'right one' and holding on to him for dear life! You see, when God made my sweet Chinaman, he broke the mould and now there is only one left and I GOT HIM! So blessed am I to have what everyone is searching for! No doubt it isn't always roses, we do have our quarrels and moments of anger but we work at it and in the end, I am emphatically reminded of the good man I married and the sweet children we have. My family is complete and I have God to thank for this.

My prayers are that all find the happiness they search for and God bless. Have a good weekend everyone.

Weekend at the beach

The first weekend of April was spent in Lumut. We stayed at this place called Orient Star Resort in Lumut town and the room was ok. The hotel is located near the jetty (about 5 mins walk) to Pangkor Island. We had arrived in Lumut quite late, checked in, rushed to the jetty and hopped on the 5.00 pm ferry to Pangkor. My little toddler was really fascinated with the ferry ride as she kept climbing up and down the seat (I had put her next to the window seat) and kept pulling me and pushing my head towards the window to show me things she saw. Her daddy took her out to the open space for people to enjoy the view and sea air and she was so thrilled.

We reached Pangkor at 5.30pm and proceeded to find some place to eat as we had not eaten any food since morning breakfast. After having a plate of fried noodles, which was good and delicious we went to the shops to buy the produce of Pangkor. Hubby as usual went crazy over the t-shirts and bought some for himself and our daughter. We rushed to the jetty and had only 5 minutes to spare before the 6.30pm ferry left. We reached Lumut and I decided to visit a shop selling souveniers and stuff. I ended up buying a cute blue outfit for my little girl and hubby bought 2 more t-shirts for himself and 2 t-shirts for me.

Dinner was a dismal affair as the BBQ Seafood Buffet turned out to be a farce with an offering of only grilled ikan kembong and prawns as the seafood fare. Of course they had lamb, chicken and sausages grilling. Then there were the usual Malaysian favourites like nasi goreng, kueh teow goreng, ice kacang, kuih and cakes. Drinks were orange juice and plain water. No tea/coffee and all cost RM25.00++ per person.

Next morning, we woke up a bit late and rushed down to breakfast. After we had eaten, we went back to our room and changed for a swim at the pool. The view from the pool and our room was simply spectacular! Needless to say my baby enjoyed herself tremendously splashing in the adult pool with her swimming tube and goggles, kicking contentedly and squealing with delight. She was very vocal about being taken out of the pool and only the bribe of something good to eat kept her quiet. Poor girl was so tuckered out that she fell asleep after her shower and milk feed. She slept for about an hour and we had to wake her up as we had to leave for home.

This holiday in Lumut was really what we needed and happily enough, we all felt refreshed and the father and daughter bonding was marvellous to watch. At least we made it home in time to attend evening mass.

Have a good week everyone.