Happy New Year

The end of 2007 is looming round the corner. Another new year is coming up. Wonder what it will bring? I have many thoughts racing through my mind at the moment. To say that I am not afraid of what will come would be a bare faced lie. To know that things can happen, relationships changing, family and friends outgrowing each other, etc. Come rain or shine, life goes on. I just pray that 2008 will be a better year for me.

Emotionally, 2007 has been a roller coaster ride with more downs than ups. I guess I deserve it in some ways.....like certain people hurting me badly. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak. These people know that I would go out of my way to make them happy so they will use me to the max.....only thing is they don't know I am aware of their duplicity and it rankles, more so as they are family members. I can't choose my own family so I just bear with it.

Physically, 2007 has been kind to me. Not much broken except my heart. Not much pain except migraines!

Socially, 2007 has been rather quiet. People I long to see are far away or busy with their own lives; those I hate to see are always around making demands on my time, pocket and emotions. YUCKS!

At least I managed to get my driver's licence without resorting to bribing anyone, so there! At least I got on with my life and never asked anyone to go overboard for me; at least I don't treat family members like outsiders or betray them to be in good books of aunts and cousins; at least I don't take them for granted!

I'd like to think that I have lived my life being a good wife, mother, sister, cousin, daughter and friend. I know I will never please anyone so my new motto for 2008 and the rest of my life is: Please only myself and my Lord God in heaven. So if I say I am sorry I won't or can't, it means just that. I am fed up of being the one to be kept in the dark, always the last to know; the one to be made fun of and the one to take for granted and tossed to a dark corner till needed.

Have a good life everyone and a blessed and happy 2008!

What a week!

What a week it has been! Started with Monday December 10, 2007. I went for my driving test at 8.00am and 45 minutes later I passed! Euphoria and a sense of pride came over me! I passed the test on my own merits and without any 'coffee money' passing hands. Shows that not all people are corrupt.

Then on Wednesday December 12, 2007 whilst I was in Melaka having lunch with my in-laws, I got a call from my sister informing me that my aunty's husband had passed away. So my family and I went back to Ipoh and on Friday December 14, 2007 my uncle was buried. Uncle Monty as he was fondly known as has been a very essential, helpful and nice uncle. He helped out loads when my beloved mother passed on. His favourite phrase was 'Ya kah' and he always had a kind word and nice smile for anyone of his nephews and nieces.

I will miss Uncle Monty and I will always treasure the memories of the happy times we spent with him. Adieu sweet Uncle, may you rest in peace.

ADIEU TO A WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE

I read of the passing of a woman whom I met in 2001. Her kindness and understanding of my pain and the situation that my husband and I were in was like a door of light opening in the very mire of a dark pit. Dato' Dr. Lim Nyok Ling was the head of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in Selayang Hospital when I met her. My late daughter Patricia had been transferred to Selayang Hospital from Assunta Hospital. Dr. Lim came across as a very patient person. She had no airs about her and she understood the pain my husband and I had to endure in seeing our precious bundle of joy suffering and knowing that her departure from this world was inevitable. She bent the rules when Patricia slipped into her coma and allowed our families to visit and see Patricia, some for the very first and last time.

Dr. Lim's passing came as a total shock to me. Malaysia has lost a great doctor with her death. I may not have known her for a long time, 70 days to be exact......but I never forgot her kindness and treatment of a grieving parent who had a very hard decision to make. She too shed tears when she told me it would be kinder to release Patricia from her sufferings after Patricia's second collapse into coma. I will never forget her sharp rebuke and reprimand to the matron and one of the staff nurses who were chasing our families out without knowing that we had Dr. Lim's approval.

Dr. Lim, au revoir for the time being. Till we meet again in the afterlife, may God's perpetual light shine upon you and may you rest in peace. AMEN.

Mid life crisis and birthday greetings!

Well, I finally got it done! After years of agonising, worrying, debating and building up my courage, I went out and got a TATTOO done on my lower back! Last Thursday, 18 October 2007, at 1735 hours, the tattoo artist stuck the needle and started the painful process of tattooing the design I wanted on my skin. It took 1 and a half hours and the pain was bearable. The design I wanted was of the sun with a smiling, friendly face. A friend commented that it looked like Versace's sun logo. Nah! Mine is simple la. No colour, just black, easy to maintain mah!

The tattoo artisit was curious as to why I chose this design, a sun design and I told her it was in memory of my darling baby Patricia. She would be 7 today. She is the sun that brightens my dreams. Angeline is the sun that brightens my waking hours. It is also for my husband who is my everything. Thank goodness, my hubby likes it!

We celebrated Patricia's 7th birthday last Saturday at her niche in the Melaka Memorial Columbarium. So far no tears yet. I still miss her tremendously and think of her all the time. The 'what ifs' still come fast and furious as well as the resentment towards my hubby's mother who pretends that Patricia was never born. Patricia's ashes are interred just next to her paternal grandfather's. I have noticed that most of the family avert their eyes and faces from Patricia's niche each time they are there. Ah well who cares! They can all go to blazes! At least she still has her mama's love!

Happy birthday my darling, may you look upon your poor mama's longing for you and come see me soon! I love you.

AT LONG LAST!

Finally! After years of waiting and getting totally fed up, I am going to get my driver's license! Some of you out there reading this may think it ain't a big deal la but when you are slightly handicapped like me (a totally weak left leg and shorter than the right by an inch), you'd know just what I had to go through!

First off the JPJ only accepted a medical report from a goverment hospital no privatised institutions please! Needless to say, there were procedures and after waiting a week just to see the doctor at the appointed hospital, I was told that I had to wait 1 month just to get that blasted report. 1 month????? I waited 47 days! Guess what? The report only consisted of 10 lines handwritten by said doctor! 47 days for 10 lines...go figure!

Then now I have to get a separate insurance coverage to cover the driving lessons and test as car is in hubby's name mah! All in all by the time I get my driver's license, it'd be Chinese New Year 2008!

Aiya! Already waited so long, so what's another few months delay? Have my eyes set on buying a Kembara! No new cars for me at the moment....maybe in 5-6 yearstime lor.....!

Have a great day y'all! To my muslim friends, selamat berpuasa!

17 YEARS ON

17 years ago today, I gave up my single status and added Tan to my name. I can still remember my mother's screech of skepticism when I told her that her youngest daughter was getting married! Mom was like, 'Are you sure? Who is the groom????'. You see, my then to be husband had met my mom only once and there was no entourage to ask for my hand or discuss the whole rigamarole of the wedding scene.

I could have told Mom that I was moving to Timbuktu and she'd not bat an eyelid and tell me to take care. The news of my impending civil registry was like a shock to her as I had vowed I wasn't the marrying kind. Mom's next question was laughable but understandable! She asked, 'You are not pregnant are you? Is that the reason for the speedy marriage?'. I assured Mom that wasn't the reason and that I love the man I was marrying. I could hear Mom crying and asked her why. She told me it was the best news I had ever told her! She then proceeded to chew my ears off for not having a church wedding, the works! Told her that we had planned to have the ceremony and dinner in February 1992 when we had saved enough to buy a house. Sadly, Mom returned to her Maker in December 1991. I never had the opportunity to go through the tea ceremony with Mom and till today it rankles.

When we got married on August 14 1990, many of our colleagues were skeptical about the marriage lasting. Some smart aleck then betted that we'd end up in the divorce courts within a year of our marriage! Well Kelvin, eat your heart out! We are still married 17 years down the road and still crazy in love with each other! Now with our beautiful daughter, we are even happier.

I can only thank and offer praises to my Lord God for giving me such a wonderful, understanding, beautiful and loving man to be mine. He may not look like Brad Pitt or have the muscular body of Jean Claude Van Damme! He has a big pot belly (which he blames on my cooking!) and is 20kgs overweight, who cares? I love him for who he is, for the love he has given me unconditionally and for not seeing my physical handicap (left leg shorter due to polio). He loves me for who and what I am! He accepts my faults and short temper (says it keeps our love alive!) and always is there to hold me when I need him. He showers me with so much love and indulges me in my love of reading, music and watch collecting. What more can I ask for?

To my better half, the man of my life, my one true love, Eddie, I love you and thanks darling for all the wonderful memories as well the camaderie we share in our difficult times. You are my rock, the centre of my universe. I am looking forward to growing old and grey, losing my teeth and still have you hold my hands and shout sweet nothings in my almost deaf ear when we are 80!

June 1st I had a bad bout of sore throat. Went to the doctor's and was given medication to heal it. Then June 2nd, woke up and still had that bad throat and swallowing was hell. I decided to take the painkiller to ease the pain so that I could eat. Well, after taking the meds, I had a hot milo and took the rest of the meds thinking it was ok. Man! How wrong could one get! I ended up vomitting from morning till night and couldn't keep anything down. Due to my folly, I ended at the Emergency Outpatients Clinic of Assunta Hospital. I was given some jabs to bring down the fever and to ease the nausea. When I went home later that night, all I could manage to swallow was some Nestum which my darling husband was kind enough to make for me. He even took care of our little girl so I could rest. I thought that was the end of my woes but.......on Monday June 18th my sore throat and knee cap pain came back with a vengence!

So darling hubby took me to another doctor and well so far so good. At least the sore throat has eased off. The pain in the knee has subsided somewhat but the right arm still hurts from the last sprain I had. Talk about misery! Sigggggghhhhhhhh! Everything is going 'down south' so to speak! Eyesight dimming! Need specs to see clearly! 46 years old and body's denying me a fun rest of enjoying a simple task of just walking to the 'kedai runcit' or to the mamak for nasi lemak!

Ah well, maybe that's just me only! Have a good life everyone and a good weekend too!

Mish Mash of Happenings

April 1st.....April Fool's Day. What a huge joke! I found a lump in my left breast, size of a pigeon's egg. Tuesday 3rd April-start of nightmare of tests, mammograms, medication, endless visits to the surgeon. Finally April 26 D-Day......NO CANCER!

Mother's Day was good for me. Hubby, daughter and me celebrated in Cameron Highlands. We enjoyed exploring all the familiar grounds and haunts with our daughter. She was exclaiming and going all 'ooo....ahhhh......look Mommy!' and her laughter was infectious as well as cute. Weather was hot and sunny! Global warming has hit Cameron Highlands not to mention all that land clearing and tree felling!

Attending the matinee of My Fair Lady at the Plenary Hall in Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre was one of the highlights of the month! I thoroughly enjoyed the musical and the company of my good friend Baby Cakes. Thanks sweetie for Sasha's Bear. I really love the bear! Am looking forward to the stage production of The King and I if I get to go!

Dreading going back to Melaka. Somehow the thought of going back holds no joy. Too much of hypoocrisy and backstabbing going on in that darn family-out-law circle. I have always hated being drawn into the 'she said this and that bad stuff about you' scenario as well as the constant 'my hubby earns more than yours' or 'my hubby gives more money to Mom'. Somehow I feel like just telling them to shut up and get a life!

Have a good week!

Six years on......pain is still there......

Six years ago today, a beautiful child returned to the heavens, you see, she was on loan from the Good Lord to me. Her name was Patricia and she was my firstborn. She lived a total of 125 days after her birth and gave me the most wonderful lesson in life......which is, nothing is impossible if we believe in God.

Time they say, heals all wounds. I think it just dulls the pain and hits you in the face when you least expect it. I have not stopped thinking about Patricia. I miss her tremendously and can still remember the way she fitted into my arms or snuggling into her Papa's embrace.

Patricia died on March 1, 2001 which coincided with the 2nd day of Lent. She was given the last rites by Father Frederick Joseph from Sentul around 5.30pm on Ash Wednesday, the 1st day of Lent. The doctors had advised me that she was in a coma and that she would not survive the night but being the fighter that she was, she woke up from that coma long enough to say 'goodbye and enable all the family members to see her, some for the the 1st and last time. On the following night, she looked at her Papa and me and I could sense that she was suffering and waiting for us to let her go. Her Papa and me said goodbye to her and told her to go if she had to. Sure enough, she breathed her last after we said that and gave us her sweetest smile, then she was gone.

I can still feel that pain that pierced my heart, mind and soul. My heart dies a little each time this day comes round. I hurt again and the tears come flowing freely. I tell myself that she wouldn't want me to cry and I try to be strong but each year I fail. Yeah sure I have another child now but she is who she is, her own self. She is not Patricia. No one can understand the way I feel, not even my husband and family who think that I have accepted Patricia's death and that my other child has made me forget. I will never forget, how can I? Patricia was the miracle I asked or from the Good Lord and He answered my prayers!

My Patricia, I love you sweetie and Mummy misses you. I wonder whether you would look more like me or Papa. If you had lived, you'd be 7 and started Primary 1. I often wonder if you would be quiet like Papa or socially active like Mummy. Would MacDonald's be one of your favourites? Would you be a proper little lady or a tomboy? I can only imagine all these things. I know I will never have these moments of experiencing your first step, you cutting your first tooth, your growing up and becoming a young lady, wife and mother.

The Lord gives and He takes away, but somewhere when a door is slammed shut, the Good Lord will open a window. In that window, my darling Patricia I can see you and I look forward to the day when God will reunite us. Rest in peace my love. Arrivederci mi cara bella angela.

Belated Hello 2007 and phew! What a start!

Wow! 23 days into 2007! Looks like this year is going to be even more eventful and tough! My little sweetheart started preschool this year and she seems to love it. She has started to sit on her potty and the purchase of diapers have slowed somewhat.....thank God for little blessings! She has started to eat more of the 'normal' food I cook for lunch/dinner. She loves chicken stew, ABC soup (hahahahahaha! carrots, potatoes, onions, tomato, peppercorns crushed and chicken meat boiled in one go for those who don't know!), minced pork steamed with salted and chicken egg mix, french beans and if she spies anyone eating a bowl of assam laksa or char kueh teow or Cantonese fried kueh teow.....be prepared to have to let her hog the whole dish! She also loves fish! Steam, fried, sweet or sour, she will definitely devour!

Well another happy incident is the good news we received about Jennifer (my husband's niece) who had her open heart surgery (she's 4 this year) and so far she is responding well to the treatment. It was so nice to see some colour in her face but she's still the same spoiled, rude, pampered brat and bully! I know, I know, patience!

So that's it for now....got to be careful with what I blog these days.....TAI KOR watching! Have a good year everyone. Happy Valentine's Day and Kong Hei Fatt Choy!

Birthday wishes

Thursday, 26th October 2000, Deepavali was being celebrated by the Hindu community. I was admitted into Assunta Hospital Petaling Jaya with labour pains. 1.29pm my daughter Patricia was born. She weighed only 0.95 kg and was so tiny. Yes, my sweet girl was a preemie. She was due only on 26th December 2000 but she couldn't wait. Sad to say she lived for only 125 days. On the 2nd day of Lent 2001, she returned to the Lord.

Yesterday would have been her 6th birthday. I cried for her. These past few years have been hard and the memories are still fresh. She had character even for a baby. She loved classical music. I used to play classical music when she was still in my womb. When she died, I felt like my life had ended. Days and nights were bleak. I was constantly sad and turning to God was the best thing I could have done for myself.

Time heals they say. I don't believe it. There's still a big gaping hole in my heart and soul. Some say I should be happy with Angel's presence in my life. I am happy, still, I miss Patricia and there are times when I long to hold her and hear her calling Mama.

Happy birthday my sweet baby Patricia. I am sure you had a great birthday party in heaven with the Lord and your grampa and grams. Mama loves you always.

Dismal October

I knew that October was going to be a challenging month for me, only I never knew that it would be a most draining time both emotionally and physically. My sweet baby girl had to be hospitalised on 17th October due to bronchitis and the poor girl was vomitting all her food as she was trying to cough out the phlegm in her congested chest. My main concern then was for her to pull through this time in hospital. Brave girl never cried when the doctor hooked her to the IV drip. She was also brave in the X-Ray room.

Her fever was not going down in the first 2 days of hospital stay and I was with her from day 1. Being a diabetic didn't help matters either as I was tired out and dizzy due to lack of sleep.

But thank God! Baby recovered and was discharged yesterday. Only 10 days or so remains in before this month ends. Wonder if there will be any more surprises pleasant or not in store for me?????

Happy Deepavali to all Hindus celebrating and to all Muslims, Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri.

October

It seems just like yesterday when my friend, Chris (who is my voice of sanity as he keeps me grounded) came back from Rome. Now it is time for him to return to Rome to continue with his theological studies. I had assumed that I would have a lot of time to catch up with Chris seeing that he was back for 2 and a half months but unfortunately it was not to be. Ah well, at the very least I managed to spend one lovely Sunday afternoon at his home, one hot and sunny Saturday in Port Dickson where he was conducting a youth camp and at the Feast of Santa Cruz in Malim, Melaka. Seeing Chris in a church environment was like seeing him in his element. He remains the same person he was and his sense of humour is still alive and kicking! Well Chris, take care and look forward to seeing you next year!

October seems to be the month for some event or other. On the 1st day of October itself will see my friends and fellow Disciple course mates having our gathering to celebrate the birthdays of those born in October as well as a belated birthday for another whose birthday was in September.

5th October sees me at the National Registration Department in Putrajaya for the marriage registration of some good friends. They have asked my husband and me to be their witnesses and we readily agreed as the friendship we share transcends the normal bonds of friendship.We have known the groom since the early nineties and the bride since the late nineties. Then on 14th October, we will be having a dinner party for the bride's birthday at our home.

Come October 21st it would be a year since my father-in-law passed on. These past few months since his death both hubby and I just miss him. We did not celebrate Chinese New Year in Melaka as we didn't want to in respect of Dad and his passing seems to have left a huge void in the house he called home. These days I go back to the in-law's house, I tend to keep more to myself and keep an eye on my hyperactive 2 year old. I no longer enjoy going back there as the sibling rivalry has spilled over to some of the wives trying to out do each other in keeping up with the Jones'!

October 26th.....Patricia's 6th birthday. One of the few days in the year where I totally stop functioning and just about fall to pieces. It has not been getting any easier as each year passes. Some say that time heals all and that the pain lessens with each passing year. I can empathically say that it is not true. Depending on the circumstance and event, the memories would just come unbidden. Like when I see a six year old girl, I may just break down and cry, smile sadly and then there are times when the 'what-if' questions sets in.

October a month of contradicting emotions. Hope October turns out to be a good month for you. God bless you!

This and that.....

It has been a long time since I wrote in this blog. Much has happened since the last entry. I am tired and worn out both emotionally and physically. Too much of life's hard knocks and not so much of a good deal has totally left it's toll on me. Still, I am contented with my lot in life.

Why not? My days and nights are filled with a myriad of emotions from the moment my toddler awakes to the time she goes to sleep again. Then there is the time when we as a family huddle under one umbrella on a cold rainswept day, with both Mommy and Daddy getting soaked to the bone and the tyke's all warm and dry, giggling at her folks. Yeah, a couple of drowned rats looked better than us.

I managed to meet up with some very good friends and we had a terrific lunch at one of the seafood joints near Telok Kemang in Port Dickson. I was fortunate enough to see for myself a youth camp being conducted totally in Bahasa Malaysia for the youth of a church from Melaka. It was a real eye opener and I was piqued by the readings of the Gospel done in Malay! Now I cannot wait to get my hands on the Al-Kitab and read for myself the old and new testaments in Malay.

Somedays, I just feel so lazy and tend to skim through my mails. Emails may be fast but nothing beats receiving a hand written letter or card! The feeling of joy one gets when one receives a card or letter from a family member or friend is like walking on a cloud. Now with IMs, MSN messenger, 3G technology, it's a wonder that letters even get sent! A friend's sister broke off her engagement via SMS while another sent an email to his wife asking for a divorce! Humourless and cowardly is the term I used on them!

Ah well....life's like that and this my friends, is REALITY. Forget the lovey dovey scenes that one is likely to get when reading a Mills and Boons or Barbara Cartland book. Chic-lits are the rage. Sadly, I have yet to read a chic-lit book. Give me a good thriller anytime!

Have a good weekend and God bless!

A reflection

This morning, I woke up early. I was able to study my beautiful daughter as she slumbered peacefully with her lips opened slightly and a small sweet smile on her face. I remember my parents had once said that when the wee ones slumber with smiles/laughter/giggles, they were with the angels playing in God's playground. I wonder if that was the case with my sweet girl. Was her older sister Pitty Pat there as well? Was Sawyer her god brother there too? I am 100% sure they were, together with my mom and dad.

Some 'friends' have accused me of wallowing in my grief from losing Pitty Pat and comparing my sweet Angel girl with Pat. I emphatically disagree, Angel has her own characteristics and Pat, her own. They are 2 different persons and both are equally loved by me. There is no special love for either one. Both have given me a special reason to live and love them in their own way.

At times my sweet Angel can be a handful but that's part and parcel of her uniqueness. She loves to hold hands and kiss me and her dad. She loves to dance and when she watches her fav cartoons, God forbid you change her channel! She sleeps with her Elmo doll that I gave her for her birthday this year. Each time I smack her for being naughty, she will hug her Elmo tight and pat her Elmo's back (in a comforting way) and cry her little heart out! 5 minutes later she's back to mischief again! She's learning to talk now and she says words like book, ball, baby, bar-bar(dat's Barney the Dino) very clearly. Of course words like mama, papa, mum-mum, nan-nan (dat's milk for the uninitiated) and wor (water) are everyday words now.

She will demand a nappy change very loudly when she's done her poo-poo and woe unto the one who takes her Elmo from her when she's sleepy! She loves vanilla milk shakes, french fries, pasta, mashed potatoes, cereals, cotton candy, chocs, etc. She also eats just about anything I feed her and her appetite is healthy. She is now bugging me to get her a Mickey Mouse cuddly! She already has the Minnie Mouse cuddly, Winnie the Pooh, Cookie Monster, teddy bears by the dozens, 2 Barbie dolls and 3 boxes full of other dolls and toys. Knowing me, I will end up getting her the Mickey Mouse cuddly! These days her father and I steer clear of the toys sections of the deparment stores as well as Toys "R Us stores. Best not to go through another whiny, crying tantrum!

Have a good weekend and God bless!

In-laws, boon or bane?

What a week this has been! Started with a complicated family matter where I am caught once again at a crossroad where no matter what decision I make, I'd still be hurt! To make matters worse, this complicated matter concerns my in-laws. My husband has 10 other siblings, 9 brothers and 1 sister. Sad to say in that family, it is not love for each other that matters, it is more like who is more successful. Even the matriarch plays favourites! Needless to say when her first born married me, she was not too thrilled (neither was I as it was intense dislike at 1st sight of her!) as I am not 100% Chinese, a Catholic and partially handicapped. The fact that I was 250 pounds at that time did not bear too well with her!

17 years I have endured and kept my silence. All the snubs, insults and back stabbing I took without a whimper as I did not want my hubby to have to take sides. Needless to say the stress took its toll on me and I ended up bitter and reserved where they were concerned. I never told my own siblings what I was going through but they guessed. They have stood by me and told me that I only need to say the word and they'd descend on that family like the plague!

I have in all these 17 years tried to be the dutiful daughter cum sister-in-law to this dysfunctional family where the main motivational factor is money...how much you earn and how much you give the matriarch! Even when I had my first baby and lost her a few months later, there was more persecution and I was like a pariah to them.

It didn't matter that my hubby and I were grieving. Only his father understood our pain and only he took the time to comfort a grieving set of parents. The rest treated us like AIDs patients, shunning us and practically ignoring us. The beauty of it all is when they found out that I had started my own business, it was suddenly the 'in' thing to call and visit, include me in their outings and welcoming my adopted girl with open arms!

Now one of the brothers lost almost everything he had 2 years back and is almost broke. He started a food stall and asked another brother who is a cook to be his partner. Both agreed to do the business and share 50-50. This brother (the cook) has a reputation of running out on people if there is a better opportunity elsewhere. Hubby and I were concerned that he'd pull the same tactic and our fears were confirmed. He's up and left the brother and business in dire straits. Once again, I am asked to 'loan' money (loan means give; but if they loan you, you have to pay back!) as hubby and I are the eldest. The amount they asked for is not small. The saving grace is hubby managed to get his mom to fork out 70% of the amount! She's not happy to say the least!

The stress got to me and on Thursday, I finally broke down and cried, bitter tears at the way I am expected to help when they have problems. When I am down and out, they turn a blind eye! Hubby came home and found me crying. He now is less sympathetic towards his family and vows he will not help out anymore. I hate going back to his family home and now I have to at the end of next week. I pray that I can control myself and not blow up and yell at his mom. God help me!

BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR A 2 YEAR OLD MINX

Saturday 24th June 2006 dawned cloudy with a hint of rain. Preparations for the birthday party was well underway and all involved (namely the mom and 2 friends) were busy with the cooking and scrambling to get the little tyke to have her naps so that she would be bright eyed for the night's festivities. By the time everything was ready, we still had time left to have our showers and change the birthday girl into her birthday fineries.

By the time her daddy got home from work and picking up the cake, the birthday girl was almost ready to scream as she was missing her daddy and being cooped up on the high chair is just no fun for an active 2 year old! The birthday girl was so excited by all the festivities that she couldn't stop running around and giving hugs and kisses to her daddy and me.

The cake cutting ceremony was quite an adventure. Angel was so taken with the cake that she couldn't wait for me to hold her hand and cut the cake. She almost destroyed the cake! Blowing out her candles was a chore as she was too fascinated with the candlelights.

We opened the presents after the cake was cut, served and eaten. Her reaction to the toy Barbie roadster with the Barbie doll inside was priceless! She could not stop squealing out her delight and was demanding that her daddy open up the present so that she could play with it! The Elmo cuddly that I gave her earlier was forgotten as well as the other gifts! She held on tight to that roadster and promptly climbed onto my lap and hugged the toy tightly, fearful that her cousins would take the toy away from her.

After most of the guests had left, her daddy turned on the telly as the football games were on. Her daddy, my brother and his family and my godchildren were all engrossed in the game. My little baby was so tired out and very whiney as she wanted her milk and mommy to hold her. She put the toy car in her toy box and started looking for Elmo. Holding her Elmo, she came to me and cuddled up to me. Her milk was downed in record time and she was fast asleep by the time she spat out the pacifier! Poor darling was so tired that she slept through all the yelling of the football freaks!

I thank God for this lovely girl and I am looking forward to watching her grow and I am sure I will love her even more!

The crazy neighbour strikes again!

Here we go again! That neighbour of mine is up to her old tricks again! She's had her baby and my hubby and I decided to give her some baby things which we no longer needed as my girl had outgrown them. We gave her the stroller, bath tub, clothes and a lot of other things for her baby girl and visited her after the baby's full moon just to see how she was doing.

That woman took that as a license to start her nonsense again! She called me up on Tuesday night and asked if I could 'lend' her my credit card as she needed to reconnect her Astro! The audacity of that woman! I told her no and now she's mad at me! People like her thinks that the whole darn world owes her!

Now my hubby says that I should have stayed away from that "one screw loose" character as he calls her or she'll find any or some kind of excuse to bug me into lending her money! Hubby says that I have this tendency to pick up 'strays of the 2 legged kind' and end up being hurt.

So I ask myself again.....am I a friend to her or a ATM????? As a Catholic, I am told to be kind to my fellow humans, to give charity where it is needed but does reconnecting someone's Astro come under that catergory? I can't even afford to go to that spa I've been dying to go to, so is there anyone out there willing to sponsor my spa treatment for a tired body, mind and soul??? I doubt it!

Neighbours......!!!! Who needs them!????

YESTERDAY ONCE MORE?

As usual, when this friend of mine and I get together, we always talk about life's quirky ways of making things happen. The discussion started out with him asking me if I was contented with my lot in life (we have been friends for more than 20 years!). He stated that he had seen me go through so much of hardship and pain, laughter and happiness and still have that 'get up and go' attitude.

His question set many questions chasing through my mind about what I had achieved from life's hard knocks as well happiness. Sure I had to go through hell from many unfortunate moments and incidents where I was hurt, battered and bruised, but even in the darkest moments of my life (my daughter Patricia's death), I knew that somehow in every dark cloud, a silver lining exists, as long as I had faith in God.

Even my marriage to a man who is the total opposite of me (he's a homebody and I am a party animal, predictions from people who judged me based on the outside without knowing the real me that this marriage would last 1 year tops), has withstood all the ups and downs and we are now going into the 17th year of our blessed union. The loss of Patricia has made both my husband and me taking a good look at our lives and opening our hearts to other options of being parents. The adoption of my darling Angeline has brought so much of happiness and joy that our relationship has gone even sweeter!

So to this friend I answered that I have achieved most of all I need and want from life, a happy family and a beautiful daughter. Now if only I could have that driving license and that Ford Escape I so want to drive, life would be 100% PERFECT!!!!

AN INTELLIGENT CHILD MAYBE OR PURE GENIUS?

During the Wesak Day weekend, we decided to spend it at home and not go anywhere. As usual, come Saturdays, hubby will vegetate in front of the idiot box watching football on Astro while baby and I will be trying to find things to do to amuse ourselves. I was upstairs in our room praying when hubby brought baby upstairs on the pretext that she wanted her feed and he sneaked back downstairs, leaving baby sucking on her bottle. It is not a big deal actually having baby with me, just that I had wanted some quiet time to myself to pray and finish reading the Da Vinci Code my cousin lent me.

Anyway, baby finished her milk and started to explore the room, up to her mischief! I was praying and happened to look up and saw a photo of my daughter Patricia's photo taken 5 days before she died. I was overwhelmed with sadness and tears started to flow again. Angeline saw the tears and she came over to me and called, "Mama, Mama", all the while hugging me and patting me on my back like as if she was telling me that she was there with me and everything would be alright.

This is not the first time my 22 month old girl has done that. She is very sensitive to my feelings and also very smart! Each time she knows that she has done something wrong, she will immediately try to butter me up so that I will not reprimand or cane her. If her daddy is home and she knows that her dad is mad at her for her mischief, she will give him a teary face and hand the cane over to him.....never fails! Her dad will not cane her!

She knows how to 'talk' on the phone/cellphone and hold the phone/cellphone like an adult! Each morning when she wakes, after her milk feed, she will ask me to call her dad on the phone so that she can 'talk' to him. When she sees us packing clothes into our travelling bags, she will run to 'help' by giving us the toys she wants! She puts her own soiled clothes into the laundry bucket that I use for her clothes, her used bottles on the kitchen counter and throw her soiled diapers into the waste bin, bring me her wet wipes and fresh diapers when I change her and all these she did on her own with no prompting from me since she was 18 months old!

I praise God for my Angeline who gives me so much joy and pleasure at the same time she can be a handful too! I wish that all who cannot have children but are longing to, would consider adopting!

God bless and have a good weekend!