Six years ago today, a beautiful child returned to the heavens, you see, she was on loan from the Good Lord to me. Her name was Patricia and she was my firstborn. She lived a total of 125 days after her birth and gave me the most wonderful lesson in life......which is, nothing is impossible if we believe in God.
Time they say, heals all wounds. I think it just dulls the pain and hits you in the face when you least expect it. I have not stopped thinking about Patricia. I miss her tremendously and can still remember the way she fitted into my arms or snuggling into her Papa's embrace.
Patricia died on March 1, 2001 which coincided with the 2nd day of Lent. She was given the last rites by Father Frederick Joseph from Sentul around 5.30pm on Ash Wednesday, the 1st day of Lent. The doctors had advised me that she was in a coma and that she would not survive the night but being the fighter that she was, she woke up from that coma long enough to say 'goodbye and enable all the family members to see her, some for the the 1st and last time. On the following night, she looked at her Papa and me and I could sense that she was suffering and waiting for us to let her go. Her Papa and me said goodbye to her and told her to go if she had to. Sure enough, she breathed her last after we said that and gave us her sweetest smile, then she was gone.
I can still feel that pain that pierced my heart, mind and soul. My heart dies a little each time this day comes round. I hurt again and the tears come flowing freely. I tell myself that she wouldn't want me to cry and I try to be strong but each year I fail. Yeah sure I have another child now but she is who she is, her own self. She is not Patricia. No one can understand the way I feel, not even my husband and family who think that I have accepted Patricia's death and that my other child has made me forget. I will never forget, how can I? Patricia was the miracle I asked or from the Good Lord and He answered my prayers!
My Patricia, I love you sweetie and Mummy misses you. I wonder whether you would look more like me or Papa. If you had lived, you'd be 7 and started Primary 1. I often wonder if you would be quiet like Papa or socially active like Mummy. Would MacDonald's be one of your favourites? Would you be a proper little lady or a tomboy? I can only imagine all these things. I know I will never have these moments of experiencing your first step, you cutting your first tooth, your growing up and becoming a young lady, wife and mother.
The Lord gives and He takes away, but somewhere when a door is slammed shut, the Good Lord will open a window. In that window, my darling Patricia I can see you and I look forward to the day when God will reunite us. Rest in peace my love. Arrivederci mi cara bella angela.
