Mixed emotions

Friday 23rd May 2008 dawned bright, sunny and hot! It was to be a day chockful of events! It was the last day of the school term and I was preparing myself mentally and physically of having my daughter home 24/7 running circles round me and driving me ape! Then I had to collect my car from the guy I had bought it from. So the day started with hubby and I sending our princess to her term end party and then going for dim sum in Kepong while killing time waiting to pick up our princess and collect the car in the late afternoon. I was feeling upbeat and happy that the naughty antics of my little princess didn't faze me.

About 1.30pm I got news that my mother's brother had passed away suddenly. The last I saw this uncle was in December 2007 when we were attending another funeral of a relative. He looked so fit and strong that I didn't even suspect he was ailing. He had liver cancer and he kept it from all of his siblings. Only his family knew. I had told him that I'd try to see him during Chinese New Year but I never did. His funeral was on Sunday 25th May and after the cremation, I came back and felt that somehow I needed to spend more time with my mother's remaining siblings (3 aunts and 2 uncles left). Just how I am going to pull that off, I don't know. I have always been critical of those who used work as an excuse to stay away, now I find that I too am guilty of that!

I love my 2nd hand Kembara (3rd hand la! 1999 model) even though it's old! I love the way it feels when I am driving......I love it cos it is the 1st car I own. It may be scratched and the power window in the left side of the car is not working but it's mine! It may guzzle petrol but it's mine! I love the sound system and the Mambo Jambo 80's dance hits sound like I am in the disco! The car seat upholstery may be dirty somewhat but I intend to change the covers. There may be no reverse sensor but I can always install that later! So if you can't be happy for me with regards to my old new car, then it's just to bad!

Have a good week everyone and if you see a red Kembara with the handicapped signs in the front and back windsheilds then please be courteous and DON'T HONK or FLASH LIGHTS at me! Gimme a break! I only got my licence in December and try to remember you were once like me! God bless!

Evangelising? Me? Why not?!!!?

This year I was assisting as a Leader 2 at the Alpha course that was run by Assumption Church. It really was fun and I intend to do it again maybe as a Leader 1! The program for me this year was eye opening. Renewed friendships made last year and made new friends too. Sort of made me realize that in serving as a L2 in my small group gave me patience, tolerance and allowed me to understand many things in life which were bothering me. Given that I have been complaining for years now about the insensitivity and callous ways of my hubby's family, I feel that I can deal with them and not get 'involved' in their pettiness and sneaky ways.

Hubby respects that I want no involvement in his family matters whatsoever and he is 100% supportive of me staying out. He has expressed this to his family members and told them that I have never in anyway stopped him from fulfilling his duties as a son/brother. Aiyah! I am no saint lah......I give him my 2 sen worth if he asks and it is always negative to the hare brained schemes from his family to get more money out of us!

This year's Alpha also reunited me with a classmate I have not met since we left school in 1978. I am glad to have met her again and who knows what other classmates might join Alpha next year! The people in Alpha this year are so diverse and each unique in their own way. From the other facilitators right down to the youngest participant, the call to quench our 'thirst' for the "Living Water" was strong.

There are many areas in my troubled life and I have had to struggle with my short comings and heartaches all by myself. Giving myself a chance to seek the 'spring of the Living Water', to fully accept that my hurts and troubles will heal themselves if I only allow Jesus into my life.

7 years now I have struggled with this searing, gaping hole in my heart where Patricia's memories lay, I try so darn hard not to think of her demise, not to long for her, to yearn for her, to weep for her......I fail, again and again, I fail. I do not think less of myself when this happens, I am only human.

One of my sister-in-laws (there are 6 other daughter-in-laws in my hubby's side of the family) saw that my hand phone had Patricia's photo as the screen saver. She immediately asked me to erase it and not to put Patricia's photo there. Said I should let go. I just shrugged off her comment. Given 4 years ago, I would have slapped her stupid and told her to mind her own bloody business. My hubby's side of the family has this taboo about deceased family members. Not one of the deceased should be mentioned or talked about. Dead and gone but spirit still hovers.........for crying out loud!

I can go on and on till the cows come home about these nincompoops but why bore the Netizens? So have a good weekend and Happy Mother's Day y'all! God bless!