My daughter Angeline...my joy and the constant in my life!

My daughter Angeline....what can I say? She is my joy, the love of my life! She also gives me heart attacks! Just yesterday, she had a fall and hurt her head! Thank goodness the head wound was not serious! Only broken skin on her scalp! The amount of blood that flowed from that little cut put me into a panic! My worries were that the wound was much deeper. Sometimes I feel so helpless! I cried buckets of tears at this incident and even at the doctor's office, I was a quivering jelly mass and that 5 year old daughter of mine was a cool cat! I am so proud of her! You'd think that after a knock on the head like that, the little tyke would be tired out.....but au contrare! She was active and man! She could eat!

I thank God for his protection of my lovely girl....but Lord....let there not be a next time! Don't think my old heart can take it!

Christmas........

Another week to Christmas....what a difference a year makes. The tree was up and lights twinkling, the family cuddled on the sofa, looking at the tree lights, the presents under the tree, munching on chestnuts whilst Il Divo Christmas CD played at this time a year ago.

This year??? No tree, no twinkling lights, presents or family cuddles. The recession hit us so badly that we are still picking up the pieces.  What an eye opener these last few months has been. So called loving, loyal family and friends have proved that their loyalty lies......wit MONEY.

Ah well, at least I knew about this facet of these people long before this disturbing situation arose. Goes to prove that one can only rely on oneself. It also brought about a contemplation on the word 'family' or as the Chinese say, 'chan cheng'. You really find out who is who when you are down. Poor hubby is left fending for our livelihood and me feeling utter despair in this ugly situation we are in.

I thank God for giving me real family like my sister and brother, real friends like my schoolmate Cecilia and my Alpha buddies. With their encouragement and love, I have many a time pulled through a tough time. 

Yeah, there is no Christmas tree, no festive feelings whatsoever....BUT at least I have a loving man who loves me for who and what I am, who lives through all my idiotic tantrums and puts up with my explosive temperament; a beautiful daughter who drives me to distracton with her mischief but warms my heart with the tender love she shows me; my siblings who listens to me ranting and raving like a lunatic; my Alpha buddies who lend me their ears and allows me to burden them with my tears......to all of you, THANKS and I love you all loads!

I guess this Christmas, the real meaning of Christmas is not lost on me like it was years ago....this special day is a celebration of the birth of Christ, our Saviour and Lord, it's about family bonding, sharing what we have with those who have not; it's about praying for peace and saying NO to wars, racism and it's about saving us. It's the reason why He was born, suffered and died on the cross.

It is also a time when I miss my parents Michael Pereira and Rose Khong. I have attached a photo of my beloved parents who sacrified so much for my siblings and I just so we would have a wonderful Christmas filled with joy and laughter, food on the table, presents under the tree and most of all, their unconditional love for us their family. Mom and Dad, I love you both and I miss you both so much that it hurts. Have a great Christmas with my Patricia and all our loved ones who have joined you in the mansion of God.

So to all, a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

Hello and welcome Eddy!

Well! Well! Well! At long last! My dear husband has finally joined the blogging world, twitter and Facebook! His blog is proof! Maybe now he will  understand my 'obsession' with blogging, tweets and Facebooking!

For so long he's been very uncooperative when it comes to reading my blog posts, so darling mine, read and enjoy!

8 YEARS LATER.....LIFE GOES ON

It has been 8 years now since Patricia left me. This year I managed to get through the day without feeling like as if my heart was being wrenched out and the pain is still there, throbbing, pulsating and the what ifs are bitter sweet. I still can see Patricia in my mind's eye, still feel that GUILT in having to make the decision to have the respirator turned off. Yes I know it was the only decent and humane thing to do but it will never BE right for me. Life has to go on and I have to live in the present for Angeline as well as my own sanity. These past few years have been real tough to get through, the constant roller coaster of emotional upheavals, the stress of having to put on a cheerful facade; of insensitive people saying stupid things and telling me how to deal with my loss when they know nothing about grief! I have had to smile and make nice with people flaunting their swollen bellies at me; smirking at my apparent inability to have my own flesh and blood; making snide remarks when I am within earshot and then there are those who patronise the hell out me by telling me HOW to be a mother as I have not gone through all the 9 months of carrying a child in my womb or suffer the pangs of labour! To all these people, THANK YOU but BUTT OUT! You don't know anything about me or what I am going through or have gone through! Whatever your intentions are, I thank you. Now just leave me alone and let me carry on with my own life....I am sure as stellar human beings, there are other more deserving cases for you to poke your noses into, more feelings for you to destroy and more hurts for you to inflict! Ah.....but there are those who have been real friends....always quick to catch me when I fall, to listen to me when I need an ear; a shoulder for me to cry on; a cup of coffee and companionship. The love you have shown me I can never thank you enough....it would take a 1000 lifetimes for me to really show you just how much you mean to me. Thank you from the depths of my soul and God bless you all!