A reflection

This morning, I woke up early. I was able to study my beautiful daughter as she slumbered peacefully with her lips opened slightly and a small sweet smile on her face. I remember my parents had once said that when the wee ones slumber with smiles/laughter/giggles, they were with the angels playing in God's playground. I wonder if that was the case with my sweet girl. Was her older sister Pitty Pat there as well? Was Sawyer her god brother there too? I am 100% sure they were, together with my mom and dad.

Some 'friends' have accused me of wallowing in my grief from losing Pitty Pat and comparing my sweet Angel girl with Pat. I emphatically disagree, Angel has her own characteristics and Pat, her own. They are 2 different persons and both are equally loved by me. There is no special love for either one. Both have given me a special reason to live and love them in their own way.

At times my sweet Angel can be a handful but that's part and parcel of her uniqueness. She loves to hold hands and kiss me and her dad. She loves to dance and when she watches her fav cartoons, God forbid you change her channel! She sleeps with her Elmo doll that I gave her for her birthday this year. Each time I smack her for being naughty, she will hug her Elmo tight and pat her Elmo's back (in a comforting way) and cry her little heart out! 5 minutes later she's back to mischief again! She's learning to talk now and she says words like book, ball, baby, bar-bar(dat's Barney the Dino) very clearly. Of course words like mama, papa, mum-mum, nan-nan (dat's milk for the uninitiated) and wor (water) are everyday words now.

She will demand a nappy change very loudly when she's done her poo-poo and woe unto the one who takes her Elmo from her when she's sleepy! She loves vanilla milk shakes, french fries, pasta, mashed potatoes, cereals, cotton candy, chocs, etc. She also eats just about anything I feed her and her appetite is healthy. She is now bugging me to get her a Mickey Mouse cuddly! She already has the Minnie Mouse cuddly, Winnie the Pooh, Cookie Monster, teddy bears by the dozens, 2 Barbie dolls and 3 boxes full of other dolls and toys. Knowing me, I will end up getting her the Mickey Mouse cuddly! These days her father and I steer clear of the toys sections of the deparment stores as well as Toys "R Us stores. Best not to go through another whiny, crying tantrum!

Have a good weekend and God bless!

In-laws, boon or bane?

What a week this has been! Started with a complicated family matter where I am caught once again at a crossroad where no matter what decision I make, I'd still be hurt! To make matters worse, this complicated matter concerns my in-laws. My husband has 10 other siblings, 9 brothers and 1 sister. Sad to say in that family, it is not love for each other that matters, it is more like who is more successful. Even the matriarch plays favourites! Needless to say when her first born married me, she was not too thrilled (neither was I as it was intense dislike at 1st sight of her!) as I am not 100% Chinese, a Catholic and partially handicapped. The fact that I was 250 pounds at that time did not bear too well with her!

17 years I have endured and kept my silence. All the snubs, insults and back stabbing I took without a whimper as I did not want my hubby to have to take sides. Needless to say the stress took its toll on me and I ended up bitter and reserved where they were concerned. I never told my own siblings what I was going through but they guessed. They have stood by me and told me that I only need to say the word and they'd descend on that family like the plague!

I have in all these 17 years tried to be the dutiful daughter cum sister-in-law to this dysfunctional family where the main motivational factor is money...how much you earn and how much you give the matriarch! Even when I had my first baby and lost her a few months later, there was more persecution and I was like a pariah to them.

It didn't matter that my hubby and I were grieving. Only his father understood our pain and only he took the time to comfort a grieving set of parents. The rest treated us like AIDs patients, shunning us and practically ignoring us. The beauty of it all is when they found out that I had started my own business, it was suddenly the 'in' thing to call and visit, include me in their outings and welcoming my adopted girl with open arms!

Now one of the brothers lost almost everything he had 2 years back and is almost broke. He started a food stall and asked another brother who is a cook to be his partner. Both agreed to do the business and share 50-50. This brother (the cook) has a reputation of running out on people if there is a better opportunity elsewhere. Hubby and I were concerned that he'd pull the same tactic and our fears were confirmed. He's up and left the brother and business in dire straits. Once again, I am asked to 'loan' money (loan means give; but if they loan you, you have to pay back!) as hubby and I are the eldest. The amount they asked for is not small. The saving grace is hubby managed to get his mom to fork out 70% of the amount! She's not happy to say the least!

The stress got to me and on Thursday, I finally broke down and cried, bitter tears at the way I am expected to help when they have problems. When I am down and out, they turn a blind eye! Hubby came home and found me crying. He now is less sympathetic towards his family and vows he will not help out anymore. I hate going back to his family home and now I have to at the end of next week. I pray that I can control myself and not blow up and yell at his mom. God help me!