What a week this has been! Started with a complicated family matter where I am caught once again at a crossroad where no matter what decision I make, I'd still be hurt! To make matters worse, this complicated matter concerns my in-laws. My husband has 10 other siblings, 9 brothers and 1 sister. Sad to say in that family, it is not love for each other that matters, it is more like who is more successful. Even the matriarch plays favourites! Needless to say when her first born married me, she was not too thrilled (neither was I as it was intense dislike at 1st sight of her!) as I am not 100% Chinese, a Catholic and partially handicapped. The fact that I was 250 pounds at that time did not bear too well with her!
17 years I have endured and kept my silence. All the snubs, insults and back stabbing I took without a whimper as I did not want my hubby to have to take sides. Needless to say the stress took its toll on me and I ended up bitter and reserved where they were concerned. I never told my own siblings what I was going through but they guessed. They have stood by me and told me that I only need to say the word and they'd descend on that family like the plague!
I have in all these 17 years tried to be the dutiful daughter cum sister-in-law to this dysfunctional family where the main motivational factor is money...how much you earn and how much you give the matriarch! Even when I had my first baby and lost her a few months later, there was more persecution and I was like a pariah to them.
It didn't matter that my hubby and I were grieving. Only his father understood our pain and only he took the time to comfort a grieving set of parents. The rest treated us like AIDs patients, shunning us and practically ignoring us. The beauty of it all is when they found out that I had started my own business, it was suddenly the 'in' thing to call and visit, include me in their outings and welcoming my adopted girl with open arms!
Now one of the brothers lost almost everything he had 2 years back and is almost broke. He started a food stall and asked another brother who is a cook to be his partner. Both agreed to do the business and share 50-50. This brother (the cook) has a reputation of running out on people if there is a better opportunity elsewhere. Hubby and I were concerned that he'd pull the same tactic and our fears were confirmed. He's up and left the brother and business in dire straits. Once again, I am asked to 'loan' money (loan means give; but if they loan you, you have to pay back!) as hubby and I are the eldest. The amount they asked for is not small. The saving grace is hubby managed to get his mom to fork out 70% of the amount! She's not happy to say the least!
The stress got to me and on Thursday, I finally broke down and cried, bitter tears at the way I am expected to help when they have problems. When I am down and out, they turn a blind eye! Hubby came home and found me crying. He now is less sympathetic towards his family and vows he will not help out anymore. I hate going back to his family home and now I have to at the end of next week. I pray that I can control myself and not blow up and yell at his mom. God help me!
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