An Eulogy of Sorts

When I first met my father-in-law 16 years ago, I worried so much that I ended up with a migraine as my husband had scared me by telling me that his parents were strict and very, very conservative. I was terrified that he would not like me as I was not 100% Chinese (I am a Eurasian Chinese) and I had a left leg which was about an inch shorter than my right resulting in a limp when I walk.

The first meeting was terrifying as my father-in-law just sat there and looked at me while my mother-in-law fired off questions left, right and centre. During lunch, he looked very surprised when I waited till he had picked up his chopsticks before I said the usual formalities of asking the elders permission to eat by saying, "Uncle, Aunty eat rice". From that moment on my father in law sort of thawed out and was friendlier towards me.

When I married my husband, my father in law was the first to make me feel welcome and he always took my side and defended me whenever someone said negative stuff about me. When I had my first miscarriage, he was the one who said consoling things to me. He never once scolded or raised his voice at me. He was a very fair and decent man.

When my daughter died, he was the first one I called and he cried over the phone, heartbroken for he loved my Patty dearly. Even in his grief, he found time to console me and my husband. He was supportive of me when I made the decision to adopt my Angeline even though Angeline is of Indian descent. He said it did not matter what colour skin the child is, what matters is that we love her and she loves us.

When he had his first stroke, he was still thinking of the family, not wanting to cause any kind of inconvenience to anyone. He bade us not to rush home to see him as he was alright. The second stroke paralysed his entire right side and from then on, it was painful to see him suffering so much. Even in death he wanted no hassles. He just wanted a simple cremation ceremony and told us not to weep or grief. The only consolation I feel is that I managed to see him 2 weeks before he passed on.

Father, we miss you. It is one week since you left us. I still cry each time I think of you and the kindness you showed me. I know I never said this to you but Father I love you. May your soul rest in peace. Till we meet again some day, Farewell.