Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my Patricia's passing. It was also Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. I had thought that this year, I'd still be the crazed up, grieving mom again, more so since Patricia's ashes have been placed in a columbarium way down in Melaka. Much to my surprise, the pain was still there but less intense. The tears still came but not like a waterfall. I was still moody and the guilt was still there. Ended up with a migraine due to the heat and not from over exhaustion like the previous years.
I still miss my sweet Patricia, the smiles, the 'manja' looks, holding her and breathing in her sweet baby smell. The memory of her final hours on this earth still haunts me. I still hurt and tears still well in my eyes when this day dawns. I still feel like a part of me has died and the void is still there. I know that these feelings will never leave me. I know each time this day dawns on, I'd still feel like the earth split open and swallowed me whole.
But I am glad that God has given me friends to alleviate the pain. I can only thank God and wish the day passes without incident. God bless.
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