Time sure flies by! So many things have gone on in my life. Midlife crisis? Sure, I have a few, some of them left me hurting, gasping for breath and my world spinning crazily on a tailspin! I seem to have lost some of myself in the process. Some friends laughingly tell me that I am in this state due to my age and the fact that I maybe in the 'menopausal' stage.
I really don't know how far true this observation is. I feel so darn alone and bereft! I am searching for something, a peace of mind, a place to retreat and lick my wounds, a friendly face in this topsy turvy emotions that are raging within me. I am finding it hard to be patient with a lot of things.
My poor husband has been on the receiving end of this whiplash and I am so, so, so very tired. I have tried to quell this feelings of being neglected by him. He's so into the business we have and trying so darn hard to make ends meet that he sometimes forgets that his wife and daughter are at home waiting for him. Even when he's home, he is not accessible. I find him spending more time at his computer downloading stuff from youtube or doing the accounts or anything other than sitting down with me to talk or just to chill. I feel that he is taking a lot for granted. I wish that I had the guts to just walk out on him and disappear for a few weeks and see what he does.
My little girl who is very observant noticed the change in me and senses that I may just take flight. She keeps asking me what's wrong and sticks to me. She has seen the tears I shed and she has comforted me many a time when it should have been her father doing it. My baby tries so hard to make me happy and I feel bad that I am not in that frame of mind that I would like to be.
I just don't know what to look forward to these days. I just want to take off somewhere and sit to think about what I want from life and what direction I should take.
Menopausal stage? Definitely!
No comments:
Post a Comment